March 11, 2016 – A massive spike in traffic violations has been reported in and around Redmond, Wash., area on Friday, which have been attributed to the launch of Cel Damage HD on Xbox One.
“I was just on my way to work at the new job, and then this idiot just cut me right off,” said one local resident. “I didn’t really get a good look at him, but I did notice that he was perpetually on fire, and looked like he was a demon from the netherworld.”
“This bird just came out of nowhere, ran the stop sign, then flipped me the bird,” shouted another driver, flailing his arms in an uncontrollable manner. “I mean, where did he get that hat!? And how did he attach that huge axe to his car? Ridiculous!”
Residents have been asked to avoid any suspicious cel-shaded vehicles for the time being, especially ones sporting a giant sledgehammer on the hood.
- Cel Damage HD is now available on Xbox One (oooo!!)
- It’s available on the Xbox Store for $8.99.
- The cel-shaded characters definitely DO NOT exist in the real world
- It was originally released on the Xbox wayyyy back in 2001. Remember then? Neither do we!
- Fully updated, cutting-edge HD graphics
- Old-school splitscreen multiplayer that supports up to four players
- A slew of Xbox Live Achievements to earn
- Revised balancing that ensures fun for beginners through to Cel Damage experts
- Ten playable characters, each with a unique car and weapons
- Thirteen arena-style environments
- Over 30 weapon power-ups
- Three distinct game modes to choose from: Smack Attack, Gate Relay and Flag Rally
Some Features Not Included in Cel Damage HD (Sorry)
- Income tax services
- Relationship counseling for teens and young adults
Press inquiries can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org
About Finish Line Games
Finish Line Games is an independent studio based in Toronto and it makes things called “video games.” Caution is advised when approaching members of Finish Line Games’ team before 9 a.m. ET, unless it is with coffee. People should consult with a doctor, lawyer, spiritual advisor, chiropractor, and the nice old lady who lives on the corner but has too many cats before consuming any Finish Line Games products (FDA approval pending).